With all the activities my fiancé’s children are involved in, it was just a matter of time before they learned more about my “situation”. On probation for mistakes I’d done when I lived a misguided life, I got to the point where I needed to change quickly, I had gotten a DUI 20 years!!!! prior and avoided the responsibility of the repercussions all that time. But it was hanging over my head and restricted me from being truly free. I rarely had an ID, and I couldn’t drive which made it so that I had to cater my life to busses, walking, taxis, and ride-sharing companies later down the line. I was so far into it that I couldn’t see how I could finally get it settled, I was so afraid of taking responsibility that my bad habits began to thrive. Making the decision to avoid responsibility allowed other bad decisions to piggyback along and the guilt from them made it easier to avoid progress. As I went on this path, my self-esteem dropped making me feel I was unworthy of accomplishing what I was capable of, it was like the physics law of inertia. To stop this negative motion, I had to plant my feet on the ground and say no more!
Now, it wasn’t that easy and it took a lot of nagging from family members, especially Mama, that was my grandma from Alabama so no sugarcoating from her. “You better go see about your license” is what she constantly told me. I hated to hear it then, but I am ever so grateful now. Without her urging, where would I be now? Drunk? High? Dead? I digress though because that is not the point. It doesn’t matter how much nagging or how much sense something makes. It had to be my decision to get it done. I had to be willing to face the consequences, and trust me there were many, but all the disappointed looks I got and all the ways my life was more difficult never spurned me to make the change. It was only until I was WILLING to do it.
I wanted things to be different for years, but until I chose to do what it takes to get my life in order, I was always going to be stuck. Fast forward ahead and we are at Jordan’s track meet when she wants to go home early since she was done with her events. At this point, I have a breathalyzer in my car that was used to start the car for one, but the kicker was that I had to periodically blow in it to keep the car running. So on a drive that took more than an hour, I knew she was going to notice something we had previously kept from the kids.
I thought it would be the end of the world, but she later stated that her thought was, whatever the reason the breathalyzer was in the car that I was no longer that person. Wow, she was seventeen years old and that astute.
Through all this, I learned that I have to be ready to make a change in my life and the sooner I am ready, the sooner things will change. No one is coming along to change things, it has to come from within.
Follow me!
Marlon Riddle 
