For as long as I can remember, I’ve taken charge of my life, always trying to control how things played out. Let’s just say that it never got me particularly good results, actually the results have been terrible at times. You ever start doing some activity or get into some thought and everything seems to just flow? For me, that’s when I would try to take control by planning and thinking things out which inevitably led to whatever it was fizzling out. I would get frustrated under the weight of trying to think of every little detail and thus, growing frustrated with myself for not having that ability.
I am at my best when I just let go and be guided by that “invisible hand” that is guiding me, but before, I just couldn’t do it. Recently, I’ve worked on balance and what I’ve realized is that there is a bit of planning that needs to be done, but not every damn thing. In the past I’ve tried to designate certain days or times for certain activities. Let’s say I’d plan to read at this time, then at the other time I’ll write, but that hasn’t worked. If I’m not in the mind to read, then I don’t force it. There will be a time in the very near future that I’ll be compelled to read. It’s just not at that moment and that’s ok. What’s most important to me is to keep moving forward in whatever way is best at that time.
This is all so different, but I feel there is a certain weight taken off my shoulders. It’s like I’m along for the ride in my own life, but I feel more in control than ever. I feel like this is how life is supposed to be. I am to follow the light along the path of life. It’s not about the finish line, screw the finish line! It’s about this journey of life, the journey of self fulfilment.
Still, there will be times where I get stuck and I’m not so sure of the next step. What if I run into a wall and don’t know where to turn? Is that ok? The old me would probably get frustrated and go on a drinking bender, play video games, or just do whatever it took to distract myself from the fact I didn’t have the answers I was looking for. Couple that with the fact I didn’t want to ask anyone for help including God, it only led to a self-imposed isolation.
So, the game plan moving forward is to take myself out of the responsibility of making every single decision and just follow my light. This concept is hard to put into proper words, but deep down, I think there are many people that know what this means. The ongoing opportunity, however, will be learning how to collaborate with this driving force without needing to take the reins—trusting the process and growing through it
Let’s start by saying that I was raised in a family that attended church most every Sunday. We’d listen to the pastor preach for over an hour, and the service itself went for two and a half hours, which seemed like a marathon. There was not much in the way of religious activity outside of this, though. I always saw our Bibles more as props and were a part of the church outfit, just as the dress pants and shoes were. I didn’t have one, but the older members of the family did, and, from what I remember, there were never any markings in them. One reason, I believe, was it was seen more in a sacred sense. As in the bible is not meant to be marked in, and that would be almost seen as a sin. Another reason I felt was that the bible wasn’t meant to be understood by us. The preacher would use biblical scriptures in his sermon, and there would be readings in church, but nothing outside of that. I never read the bible and didn’t even think much to do it.
Having said all that, I envisioned the bible to read more like a textbook and not a story. I’m glad it’s the latter as I not only get to read God’s word, but also read a compelling story all in one. What has got me the most is that God and this story is not warm and fuzzy at all. Genesis is about the establishment of the human being on earth. There are very hard lessons taught in this book, and some are hard to digest when we reach all the way back in history, but it was obviously necessary.
The biggest question coming out of this would be, “Are we God’s first project”? Is this the first civilization that God created? Is there more? What was God doing before this? It is my knowledge that God is the supreme being of the people of this earth. It does seem, though, that he may have been caught off guard of some of the behaviors of us humans. Was he genuinely surprised that the apple was eaten through temptation? Using hindsight and a knowledge of human nature, this was bound to happen. We are too curious a people even when that curiosity promises detrimental effects.
So, what would have happened if the apple had never been eaten? There would not be a need for Jesus, and thus no Christianity. There would not be evil, no death, no suffering. But isn’t the point of this to come to Earth and understand what it takes to live life on Earth? Why would I want a life without death? I would never get back into the kingdom of heaven. I would be stuck here for eternity, or I would never be here in the first place. If there were no death, how quickly would the earth be full? Would we then stop having kids? Would we kill others off? If there were no guilt, fear, or shame, would we then spend our time advancing our lives, thus giving us more time to explore the universe? Would we be that much more advanced since we would have worked together and not have progress throttled by jealousy, envy, war, and starvation? The questions are endless, but of course, we will never know.
We often talk about the “first step” toward change, the dramatic leap into a new chapter. But before you can take that first step, there’s a quieter, more fundamental shift that has to happen—the one that happens inside. Step-zero isn’t a part of the journey you see on motivational posters or hear in self-help books, but it’s arguably the most crucial part. It’s that point where you no longer can tolerate staying the same, where the weight of your current life becomes heavier than the uncertainty of change. In this post, I want to talk about that crucial precursor to transformation—the step-zero—and explore how it’s often the small, seemingly unintentional shifts that can lead to the most profound changes in our lives.
What is Step Zero?
Step Zero is not the first step toward change; it is the prerequisite for change. It is the moment when a person recognizes the need for change and commits to doing something about it. There’s always talk about what first steps are, but this post aims to talk about what happens before we decide to take that first step.
A baby starts crawling because they’ve had enough of just sitting there, they want to go about and learn new things. A person gets a second job because they’re tired of living paycheck to paycheck, or maybe they need to stay occupied so they don’t get themselves in any trouble. The point is that we make changes in our life because what we were doing will no longer work for us, but if the status quo is ok, then we will never seek that change.
Why is Step Zero Necessary?
We all think, dream, and pray about making our lives better. Whether it’s waking up with more purpose, breaking a toxic habit, or simply becoming more consistent, the desire to improve is deeply human. But with so many distractions in today’s world—notifications, social pressures, past traumas, and daily responsibilities—our momentum often stalls before it even begins. The vision is there, the desire is real, yet we find ourselves caught in a cycle of false starts and quiet frustration.
And then there’s the weight we carry—the shadows of our past, the influence of people around us, and the often-overlooked war happening in our own minds. It can feel like everything is conspiring to pull us back to a familiar place of comfort, even when that place is full of dysfunction or pain. Change, real lasting change, starts to feel out of reach.
Until we reach that pivotal moment. The moment where going back is no longer an option. Where staying the same becomes more painful than the risk of stepping into the unknown. It’s only then—when the idea of change moves from our head to our heart, from wishful thinking to a soul-deep conviction—that transformation becomes possible.
You can want to stop drinking, lose weight, be more disciplined with your time, or break whatever cycle you’re trapped in. But unless that desire ignites something inside you, something fierce and unshakable, the change you seek will continue to slip through your fingers. It has to resonate so deeply that it begins to burn—a fire that fuels your decisions, shapes your habits, and becomes part of your identity.
Until that moment comes, change is just a concept. After that moment, it becomes a lifestyle.
What Does Step Zero Look Like?
I’ve had a few step-zero moments in my life—those raw, undeniable turning points where continuing the way I was living just wasn’t an option anymore. Moments where the pain of staying the same finally outweighed the fear or discomfort of change. Each of those times, something had to break inside me before I could begin building something better. What’s interesting, though, is that the biggest issue I’ve ever faced—alcoholism—never came with a dramatic crash. There was no typical “rock bottom.” No intervention. No epiphany in the mirror or wake-up call from someone close to me.
I stopped drinking not because I wanted to fix my life, but because I got tired of not being able to drive. That was it. I wanted my driving privileges back. And to get them, I had to jump through a series of hoops: attend 12-step meetings, undergo daily alcohol and drug screenings, sit in court-mandated programs. It wasn’t about finding freedom from addiction at first—it was about checking boxes, doing what I had to do. But somewhere in that process, without me realizing it, sobriety took root. The structure, the repetition, the accountability—all of it began to shape me. I didn’t quit drinking out of desperation; I quit out of inconvenience. And yet, that became the gateway to a better version of me.
What fascinates me now is how change sometimes sneaks in the back door. Not every transformation starts with drama or fireworks. Sometimes it starts with paperwork, early mornings, or doing something you resent—until it starts doing something for you. That experience makes me wonder how many others out there have similar stories. Not the picture-perfect recoveries or the crash-and-burn testimonies, but the quiet pivots. The accidental redemptions. The changes that started for one reason and kept going because something deeper was growing underneath.
I’m curious—have you ever had a change begin that way? Not from hitting bottom, but from bumping into something that forced a shift? I’d love to hear other stories where growth came from unlikely beginnings. Because sometimes, it’s not the step-zero that changes us—it’s what we do after we stumble into it.
Final Thought
I love the concept of step-zero—that moment when you just can’t go on living the same way anymore. It’s the internal collapse that leads to a rebuild. The moment you stop making excuses and start making moves. I always picture The Matrix, when Neo finally stops running. He turns around, raises his hands, and the bullets freeze in mid-air. That’s it. That’s step-zero. The moment he realizes he can’t keep running, and everything changes.
But here’s what I’m starting to notice: some of the most life-altering shifts don’t feel like that moment at all. They don’t come with fireworks or clarity. They’re the collateral effects of that deep internal shift. The kind of changes that unfold when you finally get tired of your own patterns and start doing something—anything—different.
Take the person who picks up a second job just to stop living paycheck to paycheck. On the surface, it’s just about survival. A financial fix. But underneath it, there’s usually a step-zero—maybe they hit a wall financially, emotionally, or mentally, and knew something had to give. That decision, that movement, creates a ripple effect. They start working. They meet new people. They learn new skills. One thing leads to another, and before they know it, they’ve stumbled into a business or a calling they never saw coming.
It wasn’t part of the plan. It wasn’t a dream on a vision board. But it was real—and it was rooted in that original step-zero decision to stop living the same way.
These “unintentional” changes are rarely unintentional at all. They’re born from a deeper resolve. They’re evidence that a shift has already taken place inside. They don’t always announce themselves, but they show up when you start moving in a new direction, even if it’s small. They are the fruit of the seed planted in crisis.
The big step-zero moments are powerful—they break the cycle and point you in a new direction. But the real magic often happens in what follows. Once that shift takes hold, it’s not just about the initial change; it’s about the energy it sets in motion. New habits form, new people show up, and new opportunities quietly unfold. It’s easy to overlook these subtle shifts, but they are the transformation in motion. That’s why it’s important to stay tuned in after your step-zero moment—because what begins as a decision to stop drinking, change careers, or take better care of yourself may evolve into something beyond what you ever imagined. Step-zero doesn’t just change your direction; it changes your capacity. And when you move forward with intention and openness, the ripple effects can take you places your old self wouldn’t have even dared to dream of.
Making money and being successful in life is like cooking a meal. The ingredients are your ideas, but in the end, you have to get cooking. I went all over the internet getting great ideas on how to get ahead in life, but my mind was not ready to take those ingredients and turn them into the end goal. My kitchen was dirty meaning my mind wasn’t ready to turn those ideas into meals.
What Does it Mean to Clean One’s Kitchen?
I started using the phrase cleaning your kitchen a while now and don’t know if I made it up or got it from somewhere else. The kitchen in this sense is one’s mind. Like a real kitchen, I do my best cooking when the kitchen is clean from the start. When it comes to my mind, there are so many things that cloud my thoughts and act as noise that keeps my mind from working at maximum efficiency.
Really, this is what this site is all about. Getting the mind in a position so that it can do the things it is destined to do. I want to get where I want to go. I want to live life on my own terms, but until I clear out the mess in my mind, I will never be able to do so. I am, however, on the right track and I started with the biggest step which was me deciding that I was WILLING to do what it takes to start down this road. For me, it was to start taking accountability for my actions. I had a 20 year old DUI that I finally went to the courts to face the charges. I ended up doing jail time and I was on probation for a year and a half. I was told by many people at the time that I was treated unfairly, but I wouldn’t be where I am now without it. I’m not saying that everyone needs jail and a probation sentence to get thorough their mental hurdles. What I am saying is that a person may need to put themself in a position to encourage a change in behavior. So what could I have done to mitigate my shortcomings and get myself in this same position without having to involve the court system.
What Could/Should I Have Done Differently?
I see now the easiest thing I could have done was surrounded myself with people who were making their self better in some kind of way. A part of my sentence was to become a part of a sobriety program. Going through a program would have been a great place to start since I needed to get sober, but I wouldn’t have done it on my own. I had such a stigma about those programs that I would never have subjected myself to one.
Church could have been an option, but it could not have been the church I grew up in. I needed an entirely different environment. I had to fundamentally change everything, from friends, to habits, to where I went to church, to the books I read. They all needed to change, but I didn’t truly know that until I was on my path to mental fitness.
“I see now the easiest thing I could have done was surrounded myself with people who were making their self better”
Overcoming Procrastination: Why It’s So Hard To “Keep It Up”
Where in the world do I start? Do you have a million ideas, but seem to either stay in the same place, or worse, get worse. Why is this? It’s about setting a clear focus and sticking to it. Let’s take this blog, for example. I’ve procrastinated writing posts despite having a clear direction I want to go. I’ve said it’s because I don’t have a proper template or the site isn’t set up properly, but the truth is that I was afraid in some sense. Hell, I still am, but I am doing what I like to do and not thinking about the other stuff for a while. I like writing about self-improvement, whether it be my journey or what I believe will help someone else on theirs. I have sat down in my chair at my desk and here I am writing. Let’s be clear, for about 45 minutes I sat looking at themes for the site, but realized what I was doing after a while, and I got back to this piece.
If you were to look at this site at the moment I am writing this, you wouldn’t see much of anything at all. It’ll be like that for a bit because that’s not the main concern right now. My concern is to get things that are worth posting, that will help both myself and site visitors. I do, however, want to take this time to lay a foundation for what I initially want for this site.
First, I want this site to be a community. I haven’t always surrounded myself with people who were moving in the direction I wanted to go. In a way, I think I subconsciously wanted to hold myself back and surrounded myself with as many bad influences as I could so I wouldn’t have to take action. I want this site to be filled with people who know it is best to surround their self with other people who are walking their path. We don’t all need to be moving in the same direction, but we are willing to take the steps to move us forward.
This site will employ both long form posts that really dive into its subject and short form posts that act as snippets for ideas or full ideas that do not need a longer post. Additionally, there will be links to interesting and helpful media whether it be written materials, audio, video, really anything that makes sense for the site.
I want ideas to
A place where the community can seek advice from other members about how they should tackle any issues they come against and want help with.
Have a sense of humor about things
Long-format posts will have a table of contents and headings to easier navigate the site.
There will be a place where the community can post their achievemnets.
I got to the point in life where I needed to change quickly, I had gotten a DUI 20 years(!!!) prior and avoided the responsibility of the repercussions all that time. But it was hanging over my head and restricted me from being truly free. I rarely had an ID, and I couldn’t drive whih made it so that I had to cater my life to busses, walking, taxis, and ride-sharing companies later down the line. I was so afraid of taking responsibility that my bad habits were thriving as I continued down this long rabbit hole of avoidance. Making the decision to avoid responsibility allowed other bad decisions to piggyback along and the guilt from them made it easier to avoid progress. As I went on this path, my self-esteem dropped making me feel I was unworthy of accomplishing what I was capable of. It was like the law of inertia, bad decisions stayed in motion as my true inner self stayed at rest. I had to stop it. I had to plant my feet on the ground and say no more!
Now, it wasn’t that easy and it took a lot of nagging from family members, especially Mama, that was my grandma from Alabama so no sugarcoating from her. “You better go see about your license” is what she constantly told me. I hated to hear it then, but I am ever so grateful now. Without her urging, where would I be now? Drunk? High? Dead? I digress though because that is not the point. It doesn’t matter how much nagging or how much sense something makes. It had to be my decision to get it done. I had to be willing to face the consequences, and there were many, but in all the ways my life was more difficult it never spurned me to make the change. It was only until I was WILLING to do it.
Willing is a word I’ve grown interested in since this life turnaround. You will beat yourself up with should, want, or need, but it’s until you are willing to do it is when things will be different. I wanted to stop excessive drinking and doing drugs, but was I willing to say no to those things? Better yet, was I willing to say yes for the life I was destined to live? What even was the life I was to live? I had checked out so long ago I didn’t know where I left off.
Fast forward ahead and we are at my then girlfriend’s daughters track meet. She rode with the school, but she wants to go home early since she was done with her events. At this point in my life, I have a breathalyzer in my car. The breathalyzer was used, of course, to start the car for one, but the kicker was that I had to periodically blow in it to keep the car running. So, on a drive that took more than an hour, I knew she was going to notice something me and her mom had previously kept from the kids.
I thought it would be the end of the world, but she later stated that her thought was, whatever the reason the breathalyzer was in the car that I was no longer that person. Wow, she was seventeen years old and able to make that determination? It was all because I chose to make changes and I was willing to see them through.
It’s never too late to change and it is not impossible. Worst people have overcome worst things in their life.
